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Karen Napper commented on Espen's video
Thank you for sharing. I enjoyed listening to this.
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What Am I Doing Here?
The question of who am I and why am I here ???? plagued me for most of my life... and actually drove me nuts sometimes because I was upset that I didn't know, upset that I was seemingly stuck in this place that made no sense with people who made no sense, upset that any 'God' would think the suffering of this world is necessary or would even ALLOW it to be... I drifted toward various theories, belief systems, new age concepts, etc etc all the while feeling this 'upset' behind everything about why/how such a world of suffering should be included in anyone's creation.
After time, I came to realize many things and came into a peaceful place inside myself wherein I knew that at least I was part of something important and something big... and I also realized that I didn't have to worry about not finding a 'belief-system' that "fit" me because in the end all I know and all I have to know is that I believe in LOVE. And that's just it. There is nothing else for me to believe in, just Love. Anything else I accumulate into my system has to do with a 'knowing' that stems from direct personal experience. There is no need for belief.. not when there is knowing. And for me, Knowing can only come from direct personal experience.
This doesn't mean that I don't enjoy - greatly enjoy - navigating the ideas/concepts of others and indeed these explorations often lead me to places I may not otherwise have gone. But I don't ever adopt anything firmly unto myself until it has been solidified within me as a knowing gained from direct personal experience.
And in the spirit of this, I want to share something that happened to me - twice - that has led to my 'knowing' that I am an Avatar... a highly advanced Avatar no doubt, as we all would be... but an Avatar nonetheless. In these two times, I was not meditating or doing anything particularly special - the first time I was walking around our wooded yard and the second time I was just moving through the hallway of our house... but in both these instances, (years apart btw,) an awareness suddenly opened up within me and my 'larger self' looked out at the world through my eyes. There is no explanation I can give that can adequately explain what this felt like. If I was in my old Christian-paradigm of youth, I would have thought it was God. But it was me, I knew it was me. It was a HUGE HUGE HUGE me, bigger than everything.. bigger than the universes... and it was catching a glimpse of things in microscopic detail.. and that Larger Me was in awe.. in awe of how big the trees were in comparison to me, how the sky looked above, how tiny my body was... it was incredible and awesome.. and just that quickly it was gone.. or my awareness of it was gone anyway and I was back to myself.
I have reached that blissful place of 'Oneness' many times in deep meditation, but this was different. This was not 'oneness' awareness, this was DISTINCTLY me. It was not my personality-Earth 'me' but it was the true me, the me that lives behind the eyes, behind the personality and physical body reality... oh these things are hard to put into words, aren't they?
Now, if I stop for a moment and let it come forward, I can feel this larger Me-awareness hovering there within myself and I know it is always there. I can distinctly feel that I am a projection of this larger awareness.. an Avatar of sorts, that is acting out something that is impossible to do from the larger plane.. I am involved in something profound, as I believe we all are, and it is incredibly apparent to me that we exist at many different levels, large and small and probably everything in between.
In approaching life with an open mind, yet suspending any belief and resisting any desire to attach myself to a belief-system... I am left with ONLY personal experience to guide me. This can be scary, lonely, discouraging at times. There can be long stretches of time wherein there are no experiences to speak of which makes it frustrating. However, over time I have found that there is an incredible story and picture that is beginning to slowly formulate itself ... and I can now feel that I am 'figuring it out' in a way... I am beginning to understand various bits of this story I am living. I think it is important that we each stick to our own unique 'story' as it unfolds, regardless of whether it fits into any existing paradigm out there or not.
Eventually, all the stories likely merge together and make perfect sense because after all we are all part of the ONE and it just has to go this way at some point... but I can see there are many many worlds, universes, lifetimes, levels of awareness, etc etc between the individual human being and the "ONE" ~ which is wonderful! Because swimming in bliss is great but we are creative and we like to explore, expand, create... eternity is a LONG TIME, (or a single moment that never ends, whatev) :D So while I 'know' I have to tune into the OneNess in order to keep my Flow connected, I also 'know' I have many levels of individual awareness to explore as well. And being an Avatar, I realize there is a massively huge force of awareness within me, directing me forward and my biggest job is to simply be as 'in tune' as I can be so SHE can accomplish her goals here in this tick-tock TIME Based Earth-Game.
... and in contrast to that HUGE ME... I also had another experience where I was a MICROSCOPIC ME... hehe.. but I will save that story for another time ;)
Namaste!
After time, I came to realize many things and came into a peaceful place inside myself wherein I knew that at least I was part of something important and something big... and I also realized that I didn't have to worry about not finding a 'belief-system' that "fit" me because in the end all I know and all I have to know is that I believe in LOVE. And that's just it. There is nothing else for me to believe in, just Love. Anything else I accumulate into my system has to do with a 'knowing' that stems from direct personal experience. There is no need for belief.. not when there is knowing. And for me, Knowing can only come from direct personal experience.
This doesn't mean that I don't enjoy - greatly enjoy - navigating the ideas/concepts of others and indeed these explorations often lead me to places I may not otherwise have gone. But I don't ever adopt anything firmly unto myself until it has been solidified within me as a knowing gained from direct personal experience.
And in the spirit of this, I want to share something that happened to me - twice - that has led to my 'knowing' that I am an Avatar... a highly advanced Avatar no doubt, as we all would be... but an Avatar nonetheless. In these two times, I was not meditating or doing anything particularly special - the first time I was walking around our wooded yard and the second time I was just moving through the hallway of our house... but in both these instances, (years apart btw,) an awareness suddenly opened up within me and my 'larger self' looked out at the world through my eyes. There is no explanation I can give that can adequately explain what this felt like. If I was in my old Christian-paradigm of youth, I would have thought it was God. But it was me, I knew it was me. It was a HUGE HUGE HUGE me, bigger than everything.. bigger than the universes... and it was catching a glimpse of things in microscopic detail.. and that Larger Me was in awe.. in awe of how big the trees were in comparison to me, how the sky looked above, how tiny my body was... it was incredible and awesome.. and just that quickly it was gone.. or my awareness of it was gone anyway and I was back to myself.
I have reached that blissful place of 'Oneness' many times in deep meditation, but this was different. This was not 'oneness' awareness, this was DISTINCTLY me. It was not my personality-Earth 'me' but it was the true me, the me that lives behind the eyes, behind the personality and physical body reality... oh these things are hard to put into words, aren't they?
Now, if I stop for a moment and let it come forward, I can feel this larger Me-awareness hovering there within myself and I know it is always there. I can distinctly feel that I am a projection of this larger awareness.. an Avatar of sorts, that is acting out something that is impossible to do from the larger plane.. I am involved in something profound, as I believe we all are, and it is incredibly apparent to me that we exist at many different levels, large and small and probably everything in between.
In approaching life with an open mind, yet suspending any belief and resisting any desire to attach myself to a belief-system... I am left with ONLY personal experience to guide me. This can be scary, lonely, discouraging at times. There can be long stretches of time wherein there are no experiences to speak of which makes it frustrating. However, over time I have found that there is an incredible story and picture that is beginning to slowly formulate itself ... and I can now feel that I am 'figuring it out' in a way... I am beginning to understand various bits of this story I am living. I think it is important that we each stick to our own unique 'story' as it unfolds, regardless of whether it fits into any existing paradigm out there or not.
Eventually, all the stories likely merge together and make perfect sense because after all we are all part of the ONE and it just has to go this way at some point... but I can see there are many many worlds, universes, lifetimes, levels of awareness, etc etc between the individual human being and the "ONE" ~ which is wonderful! Because swimming in bliss is great but we are creative and we like to explore, expand, create... eternity is a LONG TIME, (or a single moment that never ends, whatev) :D So while I 'know' I have to tune into the OneNess in order to keep my Flow connected, I also 'know' I have many levels of individual awareness to explore as well. And being an Avatar, I realize there is a massively huge force of awareness within me, directing me forward and my biggest job is to simply be as 'in tune' as I can be so SHE can accomplish her goals here in this tick-tock TIME Based Earth-Game.
Namaste!
Comment
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Comment by ozzieowl on March 9, 2010 at 10:20pm
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I enjoyed reading through how you were feeling at different times,
and I have come to understand that EVERYTHING begins wit a thought.
and so we can learn to monitor our thoughts,
and teach ourselves to dismiss the thoughts that
are not for our own highest good.
"As A Man Thinketh - So Shall He Be'
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Comment by Cindy on March 9, 2010 at 12:49am
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Well I will post soon enough. Most times when I post any of my experiences I usually end up silencing a thread, but I will give it a go. Just been a bit busy. Just remember, James Cameron came up with the concept to the script for Avatar from a dream ten years before it was created.
Cynthia
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Comment by QuiaB on March 8, 2010 at 1:09pm -
AWESOME! Thanks for sharing. It really resonated with m eand I look forward to more! :o)
Namaste.
Q
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Comment by Isa on March 8, 2010 at 6:38am -
Ahhhh... Joyboy I hope you never stop trying to share ~ I think we get so much rich reward from hearing the experiences of others. Altho I do agree with you that language is SO limiting when trying to describe or explain our esoteric adventures! (as for books, only ghostwriting projects thus far, maybe someday...)
~ Cindy I really look forward to hearing about your experiences too, this site does seem like a good place to share. Now you have me curious... grrrr ... :D
~ thanks Roberto, you are kind ~ I like thinking of myself on a vacation of sorts; good reminder!
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Comment by Roberto Durante on March 8, 2010 at 3:28am -
Wow, that’s a great post Isa, I had this mood all the time, and the funny thing is that also my all life, I knew that I was not a body, but something different. And I found my true me. When after a rebirth experience around 3 years ago, I realise that I was a walk in, and from this moment everything get clear as spring water. My entire life, my bad relation with my mother, my attitude been a black sheep of the family, everything was clear and what a great time we are living right now, amazing privilege to be in this consciousness lap time of our planet, to realise that we are light being having a physical experience and not human being having a spiritual experience. It’s so great, just feel that you are on vacation right now, somewhere no really matter where, and then soon you will go home again, in a peaceful and harmonious dimension. That’s the way I feel right now, and after finished my mission here, I will be ready for another one in another dimension and another planet. Enjoy your day, your awareness and your oneness, love and light to all and all love and light with me.
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I have some experiences I can share but it will not be right tonight.
Cynthia
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Comment by Joyboy on March 7, 2010 at 7:35pm
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Aloha, loved what you said and how you said it! You have a way with words, have you written any books? I have no yet found talents within me for expressing myself as you did and many others seem to do so well at. I have many life experiences I know would assist others but my efforts in sharing has been disappointing.
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Comment by Isa on March 7, 2010 at 7:34pm
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Thanks everyone, it's so nice to have a place to share and learn wherein these esoteric subjects are encouraged and supported... very glad to have found this site!
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Comment by William Kimmel on March 7, 2010 at 6:10pm
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I have had a couple of times like this also.
The first Mindfulness training from Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh:
The First Mindfulness Training: Openness
Aware of the suffering created by fanaticism and intolerance, I am determined not to be idolatrous about or bound to any doctrine, theory or ideology, even Buddhist ones. Buddhist teachings are guiding means to help me learn to look deeply and to develop my understanding and compassion. They are not doctrines to fight, kill or die for.
=)
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This is incredible, it follows very closely to what I have experienced while fully awake on three different occasions and several different visions. Thank you for posting this experience, it at least makes me feel not so alone.
Cynthia
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